The Discovery
I can still clearly remember the day I discovered porn. I was eleven years old when my big brother introduced it to me. He told me we were going to watch something “special” on TV. He had gotten a DVD from one of his friends. My innocent mind thought it would be anime because we both loved it. Little did I know, it was actually sexual acts performed by adult actors.
I was shocked and in awe at the same time as I watched a man and woman engage in lovemaking. My eyes were glued to the TV. I had never seen anything like it before, and I had never felt like that before. I hadn’t discovered masturbation yet. I only started masturbating three years after I was introduced to porn, so I didn’t know how to release the sexual tension. All I knew was that it felt so good.
I didn’t say it, but at the back of my mind, I thanked my big brother for introducing me to a new kind of pleasure I didn’t know existed. I felt sexual pleasure for the first time.
My innocent mind thought it would be anime because we both loved it. Little did I know, it was actually sexual acts performed by adult actors.
The Habit
We didn’t have smartphones and tablets growing up, so the only way my brother and I could watch porn was on TV. We could only do it if my parents weren’t around, which was very rare. Also, I was dependent on my brother. He was the only one who had access to the DVDs.
I only started watching porn regularly when I went to college. I had a laptop and a phone, and I studied at a university hours away from my hometown, so I had more privacy. But despite having more privacy, I only watched porn once or twice a week. I’d watch and then have an orgasm. I probably watched porn for 30 minutes or less per session. As such, I do not consider college the start of my addiction since at that time I did not experience any harmful effects.
The Addiction
My porn addiction started when I moved out of my hometown to work in a big city. I didn’t know a lot of people in the new city. I didn’t really have any friends. I was so lonely. I missed my family, my friends, and my community so much.
As a way to comfort myself, I turned to porn. I used porn to cope with the crippling loneliness. I started to watch porn several times a week, and I would orgasm two to three times in one session.
Eventually, I decided to quit my job and move back to my hometown because I could not bear the loneliness anymore. I thought to myself, “If I stayed in this city, I would fall into depression”. Going back home actually made my addiction worse.
When I was young, I was an achiever. I excelled academically from grade school through college. Quitting my first job was the first time I experienced failure. At that time, I felt a deep sense of shame and disappointment. I felt like I was not able to meet the expectations of myself, my family, and my community. I succeeded in school, but I failed in real life.
As a way to cope with the feelings of shame and failure, I turned to porn. For about a year, I’d watch porn every day for a couple of hours, and I’d orgasm multiple times.
At first, I was in denial. “How can something so pleasurable be harmful?” I justified my addiction as normal “male behavior” since all of my male friends were doing it. At one point, I was even proud of being able to ejaculate multiple times a day. What started as a way for me to comfort myself emotionally became a daily habit. That daily habit turned into an uncontrollable addiction.
At first, I was in denial. “How can something so pleasurable be harmful?” I justified my addiction as normal “male behavior” since all of my male friends were doing it.
The Consequences
I realized something was wrong when I started to feel that I no longer enjoyed the company of my friends. I could still clearly remember one occasion when I was hanging out with them. They were all laughing. I was laughing with them. But I was mentally absent. All I could think of was porn. There was always this nagging, powerful urge to watch porn.
I also started to experience problems with my romantic relationship. I noticed that I had difficulty getting and maintaining erections. I had a girlfriend at that time, and on multiple occasions I would go soft while we were having sex. I would only get aroused if porn was playing in the background.
To make matters worse, it would take me a long time to ejaculate. The worst part was, I felt that I preferred porn over the company of my then girlfriend. That’s when I knew I had a problem.
The Awakening
After one year of being in denial, I finally admitted that I was addicted to porn. Excessive porn consumption negatively affected almost all aspects of my life. I was very unhappy. Every day I would wake up feeling miserable, worthless, and hopeless. I knew I had to do something, but I couldn’t turn to my family or friends for help because I was embarrassed.
Just the thought of telling my family that I was struggling with porn addiction was unimaginable. Telling my friends would have made me a laughingstock, the butt of their jokes for years to come.
And so I turned to the all-knowing Google.
A quick search helped me realize that I was not alone. Thousands, if not millions, of men worldwide were also in the same shoes as I was. They, too, were addicted to porn.
Reading the stories of men whose lives were destroyed by excessive porn consumption, and how they had successfully overcome it gave me comfort and hope. I told myself, “If they can do it, so can I.” It was going to be a solitary journey, but I was determined to arrive at my destination — complete freedom.
Every day I would wake up feeling miserable, worthless, and hopeless. I knew I had to do something, but I couldn’t turn to my family or friends for help because I was embarrassed.
The Journey
I wish I could say that the journey was a smooth one, but it was not. It was an emotional roller coaster filled with ups and downs. Going through countless relapses was emotionally and mentally exhausting. There were weeks when I would not watch porn and then out of nowhere I would feel this powerful, relentless urge.
The urge would be so strong that I would binge-watch porn for hours on end for a day or two. I felt like a dog chasing its own tail. I was not getting anywhere. I felt like I was always on the starting line. There were a lot of times I thought of giving up, but I am happy and grateful that I did not. The journey was difficult, but I made it. I defeated porn addiction and reclaimed my life. Though it took me years to achieve freedom, I am still happy and grateful.
Overcoming porn addiction was a long, painful journey, but I learned a lot of valuable lessons not only about porn addiction but also about life in general. I became a better person because I had to go through a difficult situation that forced me to grow.
The Workbook
My experience with porn addiction and my success in overcoming it inspired me to create the workbook “Overcome Porn Addiction and Reclaim Your Life”. This workbook contains the strategy I used to quit porn for good. When I started my journey to overcome porn addiction, I tried several methods. Some were effective. Some were a waste of time.
After a lot trial and error, I finally discovered what works, and I want to share it with you. It took me years to overcome porn addiction because I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t have a guide. I strongly believe that if I had been given the right strategy at the beginning, I would have saved a lot of time.
“Overcome Porn Addiction and Reclaim Your Life” contains all the information you need to defeat porn and achieve freedom.